Weekly Round up of the weekend news (so weekend round up then).
A Stitch in Time Saves the Police from Having to Catch a Criminal
An 87 year old woman is recovering from shock after catching a burglar breaking into her house. Mrs. Cart caught the burglar rifling through her
drawers and decided she wasn't going to let him get away. She hastily pushed him onto her bed with her walking stick and grabbed her knitting needles. Whilst lecturing the young scally on thieving from the elderly the woman called the
Police and then began knitting the man to the
bed. Mrs. Cart made the burglar a
costume, a
lamp, a couple of
fleeces and a nice
tablecloth before the police arrived, placed the thief on the back of their
Sit and Roll Police Ride on and took the embarrassed burglar to the Police Station.
It's all Child's Play
A 37 year old man is recovering from a double amputee operation he performed on himself. Peter Sail, thought to be of sound mind, was apparently so determined to fit on a child sized
bike that he cut his own legs off. Having found the
Ben 10 bike in his
log cabin he wanted to ride it so much that he would stop at nothing to get on it. Finding that his knees hit the handlebars he thought he could fix that by simply severing his legs. When asked whether he thought he would be able to cycle with the stumps of his bloodied legs, Sail replied, "I dunno, but I was gonna have a go." I recommend just buying a
scooter in the future.
Miracle Birth
A woman who gave birth over the weekend got more than she bargained for when her baby daughter was born with the ability to walk and talk. Susan Schrell, 30, gave birth to Molly on Saturday and was shocked to hear her newborn complaining of being cold and hungry as she exited the womb. "It was actually quite frightening" Schrell said, "I didn't know what was going on, I suppose I'll have saved an awful lot of money on
baby walkers and
learning toys though." Asked what he thought of his daughters amazing abilities Mr. Schrell, 36, simply said, "Yeah, great. Bit scary though isn't it?"
Enjoy.