Tuesday, 22 June 2010
World Cup Update
Excellent news in the World Cup. The underdogs are coming through! So far Spain and Brazil have lost all of their matches with Germany also falling behind. Honduras, France and the hosting nation of South Africa are all leading their groups at this stage. The goals have been sponsored by Kickmaster and it's been mentioned that they may be switching the England goal to a smaller size of 7ft so their opponents will be less likely to score. Top Gear have been getting involved in the football as well with James May, Richard Hammond and Jeremy Clarkson all playing Desktop Car Football. The Stig has also been playing but suffered an injured leg and had to be nursed in the Hello Kitty Nursery Centre. Players from the England team have all been seen eating out of their St. George bowls over breakfast although it was said that Rooney had broken the mould and had gone for his favourite Ben 10 bowl instead. Ashley Cole also used his favourite the Disney Princess breakfast set. Capello was seen to be looking very stressed over the weekend and was captured on camera riding around on his Buzz Lightyear foot to floor ride on. He was seen to be arguing later on with Wayne Rooney about who got the next go on the Disney Cars quad bike. Lampard captured it all on his Thomas the Tank Engine Trainspotting kit. We all know he's a big fan of Thomas & Friends. Apparently there were other rifts in the camp when Beckham was seen to be showering with a Barcelona towel instead of a St. George flag like the rest of the team. Capello has kindly kitted the boys out with a 'South Africa Survival Kit' which includes items to help the boys get by in the country. The England torch stops the boys getting scared of the dark on their way back from the stadium late at night. They also have an insulated lunch bag to keep their packed lunches in that Fabio makes for them every morning before training. Each team member has a nodding dog for the back of their car and their own Kickmaster training kit. Their bedrooms at the lodge where they are staying for the duration of the World Cup has also been decked out in England rugs, wallpaper and borders, posters and duvets. They love it. And we will too if they qualify for the final 16. COME ON ENGLAND!
Monday, 14 June 2010
Read All About It!! (And other made up things)
Weekly Round up of the weekend news (so weekend round up then).
A Stitch in Time Saves the Police from Having to Catch a Criminal
An 87 year old woman is recovering from shock after catching a burglar breaking into her house. Mrs. Cart caught the burglar rifling through her drawers and decided she wasn't going to let him get away. She hastily pushed him onto her bed with her walking stick and grabbed her knitting needles. Whilst lecturing the young scally on thieving from the elderly the woman called the Police and then began knitting the man to the bed. Mrs. Cart made the burglar a costume, a lamp, a couple of fleeces and a nice tablecloth before the police arrived, placed the thief on the back of their Sit and Roll Police Ride on and took the embarrassed burglar to the Police Station.
It's all Child's Play
A 37 year old man is recovering from a double amputee operation he performed on himself. Peter Sail, thought to be of sound mind, was apparently so determined to fit on a child sized bike that he cut his own legs off. Having found the Ben 10 bike in his log cabin he wanted to ride it so much that he would stop at nothing to get on it. Finding that his knees hit the handlebars he thought he could fix that by simply severing his legs. When asked whether he thought he would be able to cycle with the stumps of his bloodied legs, Sail replied, "I dunno, but I was gonna have a go." I recommend just buying a scooter in the future.
Miracle Birth
A woman who gave birth over the weekend got more than she bargained for when her baby daughter was born with the ability to walk and talk. Susan Schrell, 30, gave birth to Molly on Saturday and was shocked to hear her newborn complaining of being cold and hungry as she exited the womb. "It was actually quite frightening" Schrell said, "I didn't know what was going on, I suppose I'll have saved an awful lot of money on baby walkers and learning toys though." Asked what he thought of his daughters amazing abilities Mr. Schrell, 36, simply said, "Yeah, great. Bit scary though isn't it?"
Enjoy.
A Stitch in Time Saves the Police from Having to Catch a Criminal
An 87 year old woman is recovering from shock after catching a burglar breaking into her house. Mrs. Cart caught the burglar rifling through her drawers and decided she wasn't going to let him get away. She hastily pushed him onto her bed with her walking stick and grabbed her knitting needles. Whilst lecturing the young scally on thieving from the elderly the woman called the Police and then began knitting the man to the bed. Mrs. Cart made the burglar a costume, a lamp, a couple of fleeces and a nice tablecloth before the police arrived, placed the thief on the back of their Sit and Roll Police Ride on and took the embarrassed burglar to the Police Station.
It's all Child's Play
A 37 year old man is recovering from a double amputee operation he performed on himself. Peter Sail, thought to be of sound mind, was apparently so determined to fit on a child sized bike that he cut his own legs off. Having found the Ben 10 bike in his log cabin he wanted to ride it so much that he would stop at nothing to get on it. Finding that his knees hit the handlebars he thought he could fix that by simply severing his legs. When asked whether he thought he would be able to cycle with the stumps of his bloodied legs, Sail replied, "I dunno, but I was gonna have a go." I recommend just buying a scooter in the future.
Miracle Birth
A woman who gave birth over the weekend got more than she bargained for when her baby daughter was born with the ability to walk and talk. Susan Schrell, 30, gave birth to Molly on Saturday and was shocked to hear her newborn complaining of being cold and hungry as she exited the womb. "It was actually quite frightening" Schrell said, "I didn't know what was going on, I suppose I'll have saved an awful lot of money on baby walkers and learning toys though." Asked what he thought of his daughters amazing abilities Mr. Schrell, 36, simply said, "Yeah, great. Bit scary though isn't it?"
Enjoy.
Monday, 7 June 2010
News Round Up!
Strange news round up...
Water Fight!
A total of six people have been arrested after a mass waterfight broke out near Oxford Street in London last Friday. It is thought that as well as water pistols the revellers were using dart guns, dartboards and Darth Vaders. The fight was alleged to have gone on for around 8 hours and was timed using one of these beautiful array of clocks. Other watches and timepieces are also available.
Penguin 5 1/2-a-side
11 penguins were playing a bit of football in South Korea last week as a bit of entertainment for passers by. Out of the water and onto the pitch the Humboldt penguins were just practising by aiming their flippers at the goals and taking a few penalties. And although some spectators thought they saw a fight break out it was claimed it was a friendly match and they were saving their energy for their game against the meercats at next weeks animal World Cup. Zebras are favourite to win because of their pace and their ability to dazzle the goalkeepers with their stripes.
Wayne the hell did you do that?!
15 members of staff at a pub in West Yorkshire have changed their names to Wayne Rooney in recognition of England's efforts in the World Cup. And both the managers have changed their names to Fabio Capello. Apparently it's hilarious for the regulars because when they shout 'Wayne' all of the bar staff turn around. I bet it's quick to get a pint in there.
Cheesus Christ!
The annual cheese-rolling event in Gloucestershire has proven super popular even though the event was said to have been cancelled last year. Event organisers said injured persons would not receive care amid health and safety concerns. An unofficial event went on anyway with 6 times champion Chris Anderson winning the race. Anderson commended the fact that some people had chosen to run down the hill instead of merely rolling from the top. 'It was a bit tougher than normal. I had a bit of competition this year. Some decent competition. Some local Brockworth boys for once' Anderson said after dressing his swollen ankle.
Some less brave cheese-chasers were said to be hurling smaller cheeses such as Dairylea and Babybell down a molehill in the area. Their efforts to gain the respect of the big cheese-chasers went un-noticed.
That concludes this weeks round up of news. Enjoy.
(All of the above items come in a variety of sorts and characters. Have a browse. You'll like it.)
Water Fight!
A total of six people have been arrested after a mass waterfight broke out near Oxford Street in London last Friday. It is thought that as well as water pistols the revellers were using dart guns, dartboards and Darth Vaders. The fight was alleged to have gone on for around 8 hours and was timed using one of these beautiful array of clocks. Other watches and timepieces are also available.
Penguin 5 1/2-a-side
11 penguins were playing a bit of football in South Korea last week as a bit of entertainment for passers by. Out of the water and onto the pitch the Humboldt penguins were just practising by aiming their flippers at the goals and taking a few penalties. And although some spectators thought they saw a fight break out it was claimed it was a friendly match and they were saving their energy for their game against the meercats at next weeks animal World Cup. Zebras are favourite to win because of their pace and their ability to dazzle the goalkeepers with their stripes.
Wayne the hell did you do that?!
15 members of staff at a pub in West Yorkshire have changed their names to Wayne Rooney in recognition of England's efforts in the World Cup. And both the managers have changed their names to Fabio Capello. Apparently it's hilarious for the regulars because when they shout 'Wayne' all of the bar staff turn around. I bet it's quick to get a pint in there.
Cheesus Christ!
The annual cheese-rolling event in Gloucestershire has proven super popular even though the event was said to have been cancelled last year. Event organisers said injured persons would not receive care amid health and safety concerns. An unofficial event went on anyway with 6 times champion Chris Anderson winning the race. Anderson commended the fact that some people had chosen to run down the hill instead of merely rolling from the top. 'It was a bit tougher than normal. I had a bit of competition this year. Some decent competition. Some local Brockworth boys for once' Anderson said after dressing his swollen ankle.
Some less brave cheese-chasers were said to be hurling smaller cheeses such as Dairylea and Babybell down a molehill in the area. Their efforts to gain the respect of the big cheese-chasers went un-noticed.
That concludes this weeks round up of news. Enjoy.
(All of the above items come in a variety of sorts and characters. Have a browse. You'll like it.)
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Festival Central! (and Survival)
Well, Glastonbury, Bestival, Isle of Wight and a load of other festivals are nearly upon us. If you're going to be featuring in the tent line-up as a virgin or a seasoned camper then you might be looking for a few tips to help you out. This, my friends, is the Festival Survival Kit.
First off are sleeping arrangements. Duvets are a must, king size if possible. And dressing gowns and smoking jackets are pretty much essential. Pipes are great to complete the look but if you don't have one people won't point and laugh at you. Sleeping bags are great if you're used to sleeping like a caterpillar. Tents: These are great if you don't fancy sleeping under the stars and they provide a great place to change your costume/ hide from the sun/rain. Readybeds are a must. Next: eating requirements. One thing everyone has at a festival is a great little table and chairs to eat at. And if you don't dress your table properly everyone thinks you're a right spanner. Get a tablecloth. They're the height of cool and they double up as ponchos if you haven't got anything else. And these bowl/ cup/ lunchbag things are handy too.
Next up is the kids. You don't want to have to listen to them whining on all weekend so there's loads of stuff you can use to keep them out of your hair. We've got some great paddling pools that you can put in place of the fire, or they're a great way to save a tent space for your friends. Or do both and find yourself with your very own jacuzzi (although they only last a minute if placed directly on the fire).
If your tent is a bit dull you can brighten them up with some posters (that come in lots of great designs). If you're not a fan of the morning sun you can also buy some curtains to put up inside your tent. Don't worry they're all readymade so there'll be no sewing necessary- but you might need a pole to hang them off. Torches, towels, rugs and fleeces all come in useful in their own ways too.
Outdoor toys are a must, they're especially great for meeting your neighbours when you run to catch a frisbee and accidentally trip over a guide rope and land on top of someone having a quiet afternoon nap in their tent. Other great things that fly are Vortex Howlers, Zylos and England flags.
Coming soon: How to squeeze through crowds at speed, how to ask for shoulder lifts off big men and how to be inebriated without losing all your stuff.
N.B. All of the above products come in a variety of shapes, colours and sizes and adorned with a wide range of characters. Have a look, you'll be glad you did.
First off are sleeping arrangements. Duvets are a must, king size if possible. And dressing gowns and smoking jackets are pretty much essential. Pipes are great to complete the look but if you don't have one people won't point and laugh at you. Sleeping bags are great if you're used to sleeping like a caterpillar. Tents: These are great if you don't fancy sleeping under the stars and they provide a great place to change your costume/ hide from the sun/rain. Readybeds are a must. Next: eating requirements. One thing everyone has at a festival is a great little table and chairs to eat at. And if you don't dress your table properly everyone thinks you're a right spanner. Get a tablecloth. They're the height of cool and they double up as ponchos if you haven't got anything else. And these bowl/ cup/ lunchbag things are handy too.
Next up is the kids. You don't want to have to listen to them whining on all weekend so there's loads of stuff you can use to keep them out of your hair. We've got some great paddling pools that you can put in place of the fire, or they're a great way to save a tent space for your friends. Or do both and find yourself with your very own jacuzzi (although they only last a minute if placed directly on the fire).
If your tent is a bit dull you can brighten them up with some posters (that come in lots of great designs). If you're not a fan of the morning sun you can also buy some curtains to put up inside your tent. Don't worry they're all readymade so there'll be no sewing necessary- but you might need a pole to hang them off. Torches, towels, rugs and fleeces all come in useful in their own ways too.
Outdoor toys are a must, they're especially great for meeting your neighbours when you run to catch a frisbee and accidentally trip over a guide rope and land on top of someone having a quiet afternoon nap in their tent. Other great things that fly are Vortex Howlers, Zylos and England flags.
Coming soon: How to squeeze through crowds at speed, how to ask for shoulder lifts off big men and how to be inebriated without losing all your stuff.
N.B. All of the above products come in a variety of shapes, colours and sizes and adorned with a wide range of characters. Have a look, you'll be glad you did.
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